Things I have to hide

This post is late because I wanted to take a photograph of my blu tack but it’s GONE.

It’s getting close to a long holiday, so for no apparent reason I’m beset with a slow rising panic centred around having people there, all the time, and needing constant food. Did you know that a nestling bird needs to be fed between thirty and forty times a day, and that up to ten thousand caterpillars are required, per nest, before any babies are ready to leave. I know this because Kendra Wilson told me about it here, but I also know it instinctively, because I too am constantly flying collecting morsels for nestlings.

All this is to explain why I am writing a list this week of everything I need to hide before the holidays start.

Let’s begin with the famous triumvirate of:

Sellotape Scissors Blutack

Does anybody ever ‘borrow’ this type of stuff and give it back? I have had to resort to having several ‘kits’ of these three things, hidden in different places (and no, I’m not going to tell you where I put them, because my Rotter reads this and he is the worst offender…see also “Have we got any sellotape”)

Shampoo, conditioner and liquid soap for the shower.

I’m not sure if it’s just this family, but people seem to use a ridiculous amount of this stuff and the bottles are always, ALWAYS empty (although never actually thrown away) so you have the added thing of thinking you’ve got shampoo when in fact you have not.

Good black pens.

The sort of pen that feels lovely to write with…these you must guard with your life. I keep mine in my handbag, along with…

Good mascara.

This is obviously a teen girl mother problem, but all my good makeup…like, all of it, seems to make its way out of my makeup bag and into hers. Concealer is another one. Anything with a fancy brand name or a shiny packet…gone.

Good socks.

My socks, and - very alarmingly - often my PANTS seem to get swiped regularly and I have to rake through the floordrobe to find them. I find this very odd. She claims that they’re actually hers. Such gaslighting. I have had to resort to buying pants in colours I know she will never countenance but I cannot do this for socks, because, well, I just want white or black ones…so annoying.

Cashmere sweaters.

Serious problems here in the colder months. Thievery.

Chocolate cake.

I have zero objection to people eating cake, but my family seem to have favourite PARTS of cake (the icing, or the middle bit, or just the sponge, so we’re not talking about people just taking a slice; we’re talking about finding the cake VANDALISED for it’s icing, or it’s insides. So leftover cake needs to be sequestered away and doled out, by the slice, like, you know, NORMAL people.

Raspberries.

Don’t even think about looking away. Empty punnet often left, EMPTY in fridge.

Kit-kats and hula hoops and chocolate digestive biscuits.

I try and keep up. I buy them in bulk. Again, empty packets in cupboard just to mock me when I want one. Furious. I tend to hide yummy things like this in desperation, up high in hard-to-reach cupboards and in places like my sewing basket, which means I often forget where they are when I want them. I recently found a nice bar of chocolate in a bag of dry cat food.

Cappuccino.

Don’t come in my house with a bought coffee and put it down. Just don’t do it.

Sunglasses.

I now only every buy cheap sunglasses, not because I lose them, but because my children lose them for me. If I am at all attached to a particular pair they need to be hidden.

Enough.

Do you have to hide things at home? Where do you put them? How do you remember where they are? Or is your family civilised?

Back soon, and please do hit the heart if you liked this.

x Laetitia